Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Aww Thanks! I Don't Think You're That Fat Either!

Turns out that when you are pregnant, especially visibly pregnant, everyone knows that now they can safely comment on your figure.  I know people are just excited, as I keep saying, and really must believe that they are saying kind things to me.  Somehow.  I just can't think of another time in a woman's life when her shape is truly up for open debate. Except for maybe the Miss America pageant or The Biggest Loser.  I, however, am not a cripplingly terrifying beauty contestant, nor am I a willing participant in a nation wide fat-shaming orgy of humiliation.  Just a waitress, showing up for her normal job. 
Now I'm a thin gal.  I was blessed with good genes, mercifully, because I rank up there among the laziest people I know.  Like everyone else, I can pack on a few pounds here or there but I try not to complain about weight as many people have legitimate struggles with fitting into the beauty standards packaged and sold to us by the evil powers that be such as the afore mentioned Biggest Loser (I mean, even the name!).  Somehow, now that I have a teeny baby belly poking out, people seem to have alllll sorts of opinions they would like to share with me.
"Oh look at you! You're so skinny! You won't have any trouble at all losing the weight! Not like I did after Alec was born.  I gained Eight Hundred and Ninety pounds!"...as I'm standing there holding dirty dishes.  What do I say to make this stop?  "oh.  Neat. Um, sorry you got so ungodly fat.  You look better now?  Dessert tonight? Coffee?"
And the there is the occasional "You're HUGE!  You must be just about ready to have that thing huh? Oh my god! What are you gonna look like in 4 months?!"  I'm what? I am?! I'm huge? I didn't think so but Lord! This isn't a "fat" thing...there is a baby in there that's gonna come out.  I mean, come out of me! Stop saying the word "huge"!  You're mean!  And Stupid and I hate you now!
So when does it stop? Like, after D-day will it all just come to an end?  Will people clam up and resume silently commenting on my waistline? I really wouldn't mind that at all.  Maybe I should just start saying all the things that go on in my head. "It took me forever to lose all the baby weight!" Yeah, obviously.  "You haven't gained a pound! Really, how much have you put on?" Aww, thank you! I don't think you're too fat either! about 5 lbs. How about you?  I mean, come on! All the world needs is more commentary on women's weight.  I'm not terribly concerned about it so why should the causal observer be?  I'm sure they are all trying to be complimentary, and many people have succeeded in coming across as sincere and kind.  You know what they say that makes me feel the best? "Hi Sarah! How are you? You look great.  I'll have the dinner special".

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